I am so confused and on the verge of tears.  I think my relationship with D is on the rocks.   

He has been gone since last Wednesday and Friday night he calls me because he is short on money and he needed to eat.  Just so you understand we have an arrangement with his money that he keeps a certain amount and he gives me the rest.  In times when he runs short, I take a little out of his savings and put it in his account to help him make it through.  Well Friday night he calls saying he needs money and I did the apparently wrong thing with questioning that he and his son had already run through what he had in a couple of days.  He flipped and was saying stuff like it doesn't matter what he spent, they have to eat, he earns it so he can spend it, etc.  I said whatever and I'll get it done.  Well I couldn't access his account on my phone and our internet was down.  I tried for almost an hour and couldn't do anything. He finally said I'll get my mom to handle it then.  Well he made me feel an inch tall and like I couldn't do a single thing right.  It wasn't until he said you know what just put $250 in the account and put all my stuff in the truck....I'm done.  My world stopped and the tears flowed.  I was in shock.  All I could say was seriously.....this is your *uck up and you are done.  Everything he said after that was a blur.  I said you know what let me see what I can do and your wish will be granted.  I said I can't believe you are throwing away 2 years over this.  I said it's bad enough that you make me feel like I'm not doing enough.  He then said well if you feel that way then why are you still with me?  I finally was able to get online and send him some $$$.  So I texted him and said you've got your money.  He texted back Thank you and I love you.  I screamed at the phone ARE YOU *UCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?  and didn't respond.  He called and I refused to talk to him.  Even today I'm in shock of our whole "conversation".

When I did finally talk to him I cried the whole time.  I told him how dare he say that stuff to me...threaten to end our relationship...make me feel the way he did.  He apologized and said he was out of line.  I never acknowledged his apology.  I said apparently you haven't been happy for awhile because last week you said something similar over me asking you to pick up.  I told him that the only time I would ever say anything along those lines to him is if I was really done not if I was frustrated with a decision I made or my job or etc.  He again apologized.  Why can't I accept his apology?  My total and complete love for him is hanging on by a thread.  I don't even want to talk to him anymore.  I'm not ready for him to come home....if he stays on the road for a few more days that yeah me. 

As a couple of my friends know, once stuff like this happens with me I shut down. I go into the mode of it's just me and the kids and screw everyone else.  I hate that feeling.  I want it to go away.  I really thought D was the one.  I really thought we would be together forever.  I can't spend my life with someone that gets little frustrated and threatens to hit the road. That isn't right for anyone involved especially my daughter he thinks he hung the moon.

We don't fight...maybe that's the problem....his problem.  I'll fight and argue with the best of them.  He just shuts down.  Well if I am in shut down and so is he then we are a dead lock.

Please God help me through this.