Where's the family at work?

One of the things I was very fortunate to have at my last 3 jobs was the feeling of family.  This time around I haven't been so lucky and it SUCKS!  I miss it.  Here it is all for one and one for all.  Don't forget about the constant complaining about everyone.  No one really talks about their families, spouses, their weekends etc.  I really wish I could work from home.  My schedule each day consists of coming in, putting in the earphones, working the accounts to get the most money (having co-workers get mad because I know how to do my job) and going home.  I do go to lunch with several ppl here but it's not the same.  A year and a half has gone bye so I don't see it changing.  It's all about the mechanics and everyone else is ____________.  My new year's resolution is to find a new work family!

Don't do it if you can help it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I tell you how frustrating it is to plan a wedding?  It shouldn't be this frustrating.  This should be a great time in a person's life without having to hold a gun to someone's head to do what they are supposed to.

I don't by any means think that the bridesmaids or grooms man should be at the beck and call of the bride and groom.  However they do have a couple of responsibilities i.e. to plan the bachlorette and bachlor parties.  Why do I have to not only hold a gun to my sister's head and then once she does it why do I have to correct everything?

I'm so frustrated!!!!!!!  I'm to the point I want to throw in the towel and say forget it. 

So my best advice is ELOPE!  Just run off and get married.  Buy yourself a nice dress to wear, buy the rings you dream of, get your hair / make up done and ELOPE and then use all the money that you would spend on the wedding on a honeymoon.  Some people could go on a month long vacation!

Let me out of here......

Can someone please come turn the power or the a/c off here at work???  Please pretty pretty please

It is such a beautiful day outside....my kids are out for Spring Break and I am at work.  Oh I want to go home.  I want to go outside and play.  I tried to take vaca from work but it was denied (another story for another day). So I have resorted to coming up with other ways to escape.  My consious won't let me go in and say one of my kiddos or I'm sick.  I always feel like if I lie it is written all over me.  Kind of like the scarlett A but mine would be a L.  So someone please come cut the power, flood the office, something?  LOL

Isn't it Ironic??

I have mentioned in previous posts my daughter has what is often referred to as a SD (sperm donor).  Myself  and his family never really got along and as our relationship spiraled out of control the mutual hatred between us grew.  5 years ago the SD's sister was getting married and Katilyn & I were not invited to the wedding (we did go and it was the tackiest thing ever). I could probably submit the pictures to a contest for ugly weddings and win hands down.  To make matters worse they did invite his ex wife, her mom, and her brother. 

So how ironic is it that now that I am getting married not only do I not like my sister's boyfriend BUT I don't want him at my wedding? I know he will be there.  There is nothing I can do.  I won't make a big thing about it but I will continue to be mean. Maybe just maybe he will not want to be around me.  He is pretty stupid so most likely me ignoring him and taking jabs at him being a moron will go unnoticed.  My family keeps pushing me to be nice to him. He is here to stay they say so you might as well like him.  

I wasn't sure what to call this post so I just started to type.  I watched this movie this weekend on Lifetime (one of the best channels EVER!!!).  It revolved around 3 ladies. The 1st gave her daughter up for adoption, the 2nd was the daughter that had been given up for adoption, and the last lady was a woman wanting to adopt (not the adoptive mom of the 2nd lady). In the end the 2nd lady died while giving birth and the 3rd lady ended up adopting the baby.  Well that is the short version of the movie but it got me thinking about my adoption. 

I was only a few days old when my parents brought me home and the adoption was final 3 months later.  I've never known anyone but my mom and dad.  I was born in Bethel Park, Pennsylavnia in 1979.  Since it was the 70s all adoptions were sealed once finalized.  But I wonder from time to time....do my biological mom and dad ever think about me?  Do they wonder what I look like? What I am like?  I know I wonder about them.  I wish I knew why.  Why was I put up for adoption?  Where they too young?  Does my biological dad even know I ever existed? Was it her choice to give me up for adoption or was she forced to do it? Is she still alive? Did she & my biological dad end up together?  What is she doing now?  Is she ashamed of me? Am I a secret?  All these questions and I will never know the answers.  These questions just haunt me from time to time.  My ex used to tell me I was given up for adoption because they didn't want me.  I chose to believe I was given up for adoption as part of God's plan.  My parents were not able to conceive naturally and it was God's plan to put me in this family.  But if I was part of God's plan and I am meant to be with my parents then why didn't God just let my mom get pregnant and have me?  In the movie you could tell the adoption between the 1st and 2nd lady changed them.  And I firmly believe I am the way that I am because I was put up for adoption. 

So people ask me have I thought of looking up my biological parents?  Of course....or they ask why haven't I looked them up.  My answer is simple...my parents chose to adopt me in one of the hardest if not the hardest states in America to unseal adoptions.  Many states mandate that you until you are a certain age.  Pennsylvania will only unseal the adoption if you supoena the court and they track down the parents and they agree.  I could potentinally take a bunch of money and just chunk it off the roof top of one of the buildings in downtown Houston.  I would probably have the same luck in getting my answers plus who has that kind of money.

My parents tell me its okay to try and find my biological parents but whenever I bring it up I get that hurt look in their eyes.  I'm not trying to replace them. I just want answers.  I am naturally a very VERY curious person so me not having these answers drives me bongers from time to time.  Why?  Why didn't they even just take a stab at raising me?  I did it.  I had my son at 17 and he turned out to be a good kid.  My parents tried to talk me into giving him up for adoption but I knew my issues with it. I didn't want him to have those issues.  Unless you yourself are adopted you will never understand what not knowing why someone walked away from you when you were a baby.  A baby....an innocent baby.  I could never imagine giving birth to either of my kids and walking away.  If I did it for their own good, I would stay in touch however I could.  That way when they had questions about why I made the choice I did, I would be there.  Adoptive parents can't answer those questions.  They don't know the whole story.  They may know what they read in the papers or the adoption agency tells them.  At least now, the biological and adoptive parents usually get to meet before the adoption is final. 

I just want to know why....so here is my letter to my biological mom

Dear Mom,

I just want to start off with I wasn't sure when I was writing this what your name is so I put Mom.   You are in fact my mom...my biological mom as with both know.  Anyways...thank you for giving me life.  I am 34 now, have 2 beautiful kids, an incredible husband and a good life. I owe part of that to you.  You for whatever reason gave me up for adoption and I was given to an incredible family.  I was never thought of as adopted or different with my parents and grandparents etc.  I don't know the situation of why you chose adoption.  I'm not mad or angry or etc. I am curious about you.  I wish you all the best and wish to meet you some day but I understand if you don't want to.  The past sometimes needs to be left in the past. 

Thanks again

Love,
Michelle

Unofficially Married

So I would say it is safe to say that D and me are unofficially married. LOL  We just don't have the rings, license or share the same last name. 

Will we ever take the actual walk down the aisle?  Who knows?  Everything is tied together as we speak.  We treat each other like hubby and wife.  We make life decisions together. We raise each others kids.  We are there for each other.  We make each other laugh, fight - cry, and all that in between. 

In the 2+ years we have been together we have experinced so much and we are still standing.  His ups and downs with his job, me losing my job and getting a new one, kids growing up, our family being crazy, my craziness, his quirks, getting our baby Precious, managing this trucking thing he has going on, car buying, and of course our Exs (can't forget them because without them we would be boring).  ;)

I heard once that you can't be in total love with one person 100% of each and every day - all day long. They will make you mad.  You will want to punch them or run them over.  You may want to run away.  And vice versa.  Does that change one day and that is how you know that it is time to have a wedding and get officially married?  Is there a big neon arrow that pops up when the time is right?

I don't know why a couple of rings and name change can cause people to change.  

We both have the dream of a wedding.  His in a field (country boy for ya) and me on a beach or old church.  Neither one of us want to go to the JP...been there, done there, got the divorce papers.  You can't plan too much in life so I want to treasure planning this for me and D.  I kind of want to run off and it just be us. No fuss, no mess, no family drama, and no draining of the bank account.

Well that's enough nonsense for today.  Hope everyone has a blessed week.

Is it time to go home yet???

Yes my son sent me this...LOL

As part of his defense to say he wasn't arguing with me this afternoon, J sent me this. 

Have you ever "attempted" to argue with a teenager?  Well it is a losing battle lol.  They won't ever believe you or listen to you so you always have to end it with "because I said so". 

That text / picture alone can kill the mood of "because I said so.".  LOL...I'm still right though :)